At The Bottom Of Everything
by Goodbye Sky Harbour
Summary: Six months ago Carly Shay’s life fell apart. Now as she sat up breathing heavily due to past lives and loves, trying to convince herself that it was over- the pain, the trouble, the past was over- she realized that it was far from finished. Cam, Creddie
1. Chapter 1

_"What are you doing?"_

_A smile flickers through her face as though the answer to my question. She reaches her arm towards my face and casually brushes some loose strands of hair behind my ear. Her gaze falls to my eyes and hold there. Her eyes have always been a marvelous shade of blue/grey and had the amazing ability to change color with her emotions. Right now they were an icy shade of blue that looked so sexy…_

_She leans in and softly places a chaste kiss on my lips, gently as if pushing any harder would break me. Her lips feel soft and smooth against mine and just seem to fit perfectly. At this moment I realize how much I've missed her. I realize how horrible it has been without her and how I've had a hole gaping through me that only she can fill. I feel a tear subconsciously break from my ducts and roll down my cheek, which Sam could feel against her cheek._

_Sam pulls back and looks at me disconcertedly, her eyebrows pushed close together and concern written all over her face. She reaches to my cheek and flicks the tear off before putting her lips to my ears and whispering something I can't concentrate on before she kisses a path back down to my lips. __Her tongue breaks into my mouth and runs past my teeth slowly, almost teasingly. I subconsciously let out a moan deep in my throat as her tongue massages mine, I can feel her smirk because she knows that she's the only one who can make me moan like that._

_Her hands run down my arms and intertwine with mine, disabling the capability to run my hands over her perfect body. My hands involuntary jerk upwards but to no avail, Sam's hands are firmly pinning mine to the bed. I wrestle my tongue against hers, trying to gain some sort of dominance. __She takes this opportunity to push my arms above my head, finally letting go to journey to other parts of my body. I leave my hands there, knowing what Sam would do if I moved them and as much as I wanted to play with her, I need her right now._

_Her hands move to my stomach and tug at the thin fabric of my shirt, signaling she wanted it off. I arch my back off the bed, helping her remove the shirt leaving me in my simple black bra and some shorts. __She's stopped doing anything. I open my eyes and notice that she's just staring at me with approval in her eyes. When she doesn't lean forward and kiss me, I swiftly sit up and attach my lips to hers again, taking the time to discover other parts of her body with my hands._

_Hastily I remove her hoodie and shirt in one swift motion, leaving us both almost half-naked. She smiles sadly and I wish more than anything right now that I can read her mind. She then leans forward, pushing me back down on the bed and at the same time crushing her body into mine. __Not that I mind. In fact, I'm enjoying it quite a lot, the way her soft hands run up and down my arms, the way her smooth, hard abs feel against me…_

_She then kisses a path from my mouth to my jaw to my neck, nipping and sucking at it. All I can do is let our moans and sighs of. My eyes are shut tightly when she cups my breasts, feeling them, kneading them. Then suddenly, she's kissing my chest and her hands are slipping down to my waist. I open my eyes just in time to see Sam smiling sincerely at me before attaching her lips to mine again._

_"Sam…"_

* * *

_"Sam…"_

Freddie Benson tiredly opened his eyes and squinted at the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock on the bedside table.

4:43am

Damn. The combined effect of Carly's incessant shifting and the whispers being dropped from her lips woke him up at this ungodly hour. Freddie frowned at Carly. True, she probably couldn't control her shifting but it was still-

"Sam…"

Freddie blinked.

Sam?

His girlfriend was lying in bed with him and dreaming about Sam. They didn't know a Sam besides…

Freddie chuckled nervously to himself. No…it has to be some other Sam. Just anyone but…

"Sam…" Carly whispered again.

Puckett.

"Dammit." Freddie sighed. He thought that Sam Puckett was gone from his and Carly's life. He thought that she was cold, forgotten history.

"Sammy…" Carly whispered again.

Apparently not…

"Carly…Baby, wake up." Freddie Benson said, lightly shaking Carly to pull her out from her slumber. Carly's eyes shot wide open as she sat up, looking around the room nervously. "Baby?" Freddie asked from behind her, stroking her back lightly, "Are you ok? You sounded like you were having a bad dream."

Carly turned to her boyfriend and smiled uneasily, a light sweat coating her forehead.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine it was just having…"

"A bad dream." Freddie interrupted as he smiled reassuringly at his girlfriend.

"Yeah. Sorry," Carly blushed as she lied. She hoped that Freddie didn't hear her talk in her sleep, "I'm fine now."

"Good." Freddie smiled before lying down on the bed with Carly in his arms. Soon, he drifted off into sleep as Carly stayed awake unable to shut her eyes.

It was the third time this week she dreamt of Sam and the seventy second time since the first dream. And it was…wrong. She shouldn't be constantly dreaming of Sam Puckett, she should be dreaming of Freddie.

The man holding her, the man that cared for her, the man that loved her…

But when she went to sleep, thoughts of Sam dominated her mind. She could remember every detail of the feisty blonde, every bruise, every freckle, everything. And as much as she didn't want to dream of Sam, going to sleep and not seeing her face would be a nightmare. It had been six months since the last time she saw Sam in person, crawling into Carly's bed and cuddling her just like she used to. Then she was dragged away, ripped from Carly's arms to never be heard from or seen anywhere besides crinkled photographs, worn out from the constant folding and unfolding of it just to see her face again before…

Six months ago Carly Shay's life fell apart, seam by seam. Now as she sat up on the bed breathing heavily due to past lives and loves, desperately trying to convince herself that it was over- the pain, the trouble, the past was over- she realized that the dreams were a sign that things were far from finished.

And it was stupid that way. After all, Carly had everything she wanted. She was set for the future, had a loving and caring boyfriend that cherished the ground she walked on and an overall good life…no, a _great _life. A great life that she didn't want.

She only wanted one thing…

And that was her old life back.

* * *

"So what were you dreaming about last night?"

Carly turned around sharply, her neck almost getting dislocated; Freddie's voice had startled the hell out of her. Looking over at her boyfriend of almost a year lying down on his bed, the comforter barely reaching up to his stomach, leaving his chest open, Carly couldn't lie, Freddie had grown up to be a handsome guy. He had grown his hair out and let go of most of his dorky habits.

"Just a bad dream…" Carly lied, casually turning back to getting her boots on. The dream was anything but bad, in fact, it motivated her to head to the bathroom and visualize it to get her off.

"Was it about Spencer?"

Carly froze immediately. She didn't look away from her boots to acknowledge Freddie's question.

"No." She managed to mutter, her voice barely above a whisper. Freddie, in turn, saw his mistake as he watched Carly turn to display her misty eyes.

"Carly...Baby…Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Please don't cry. I'm sorry."

Freddie had his arms wrapped around Carly, rocking her forward and kissing her cheek. She held on to his shoulders as he let her cry. After a few minutes of Carly's sobs and Freddie's reassuring mumbles, she let go and headed off without another word.

Walking through the quiet, deserted park gave Carly time to ponder everything going on around her. Sitting on the bench, Carly clutched at the warm Styrofoam coffee cup in her hands trying to absorb some form of heat. She looked down at her hand and saw the ring encircling her left ring finger. She was barely 20 years old and already she was engaged to Freddie. And there was nothing wrong with that. Freddie had been her friend longer than anyone and he was the nicest sweetest guy she had ever known.

It was Freddie who took Carly in after Spencer died. It was Freddie who comforted her day after day and was _there _for her. It was Freddie who had professed his love for her and out of sheer loneliness Carly had reiterated that love.

The brunette's phone buzzed in her pocket, reminding her to stay out of the past and keep to the present. She looked at the Caller ID and crossed her fingers, hoping this time only good news would be given.

"Hey Claire."

"Hey, kid. You won't believe it! I got a _serious_ buyer here, all they're requesting is to meet you. Can you make it?" Claire's voice was barely above a whisper and Carly was guessing that she was in the hallway hoping the customer didn't hear.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a bit. Bye."

And with that Carly hung up on her best friend/realtor and breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, she was getting rid of the apartment. It wasn't that she hated their old apartment, because she loved it. It had all the greatest memories and was everything that defined her and Spencer.

And that was why she had to sell it.

After Spencer died, everything reminded Carly of him. Every inch of the house had some zany item that just screamed out Spencer's kooky personality. Not to mention the various things around the house that reminded her of Sam. Like the hole in the wall near the bathroom from when Freddie locked himself in the bathroom after dousing Sam in Strawberry smoothie and Sam trying to punch through to him.

Not to mention the fact that right after Spencer's death, Carly had to live with Freddie and Mrs. Benson seeing as she was still legally underage. And immediately after that Carly moved in with Freddie in his new apartment which he bought for the sole purpose that it was almost an hour's drive from Mrs. Benson's house. She had been trying to sell the place for a few years now and finally…the apartment and the past could be erased.

Carly smiled as she stood and headed to their apartment for what was hopefully the last time.

* * *

"Oh finally! I was thinking you didn't want to sell this place at all!"

Claire sighed and ran towards Carly, her excitement emulating from every inch of her body. Carly smiled, Claire was one of her closest friends since she moved Carly and Freddie into their new apartment. She was a short woman, around 23 years old and was constantly happy. Carly didn't remember a time when she wasn't smiling or laughing. She pulled Carly into the apartment

"Ma'am I have the seller right here and…Oh crap," Claire's sentence was cut off by her phone. Figures her ringtone would be a song from High School Musical… "Carls, just go upstairs and chat up with the buyer. I gotta take this, it's my poophead boss."

"Hello Mr. Orsian. No, actually. I'm just about to sell the Shay place. Yes sir…"

Carly laughed under her breath. It was peculiar how Claire could be completely childish one minute and then switch onto business mode the next. Shaking her head, the brunette headed up the stairs, hoping to meet the person who was finally going to rid Carly's past. She looked through every room, even her own and didn't find the customer. Suspecting that Claire was playing some sort of joke on her, Carly frowned. The only room left was the old iCarly studio.

Sure enough, as Carly exited the elevator, there was someone in there looking at the walls and whatever was left of the studio including the car that Spencer made. The person's back was turned to Carly, so Carly nervously stood a few meters behind the person hoping not to scare them

"Hey…I'm selling this place…"

No answer. The person just kept looking at the furnishing, their back still to Carly. After a few awkward moments the person spoke.

"Why are you selling this place?"

Carly's breath caught in her throat. Something about this person was so…familiar. The woman's hair was blonde and reached a little below her shoulders and her voice was just like…

It couldn't be.

"It…it reminded me of the past too much."

Carly barely managed to mumble, inside she was having a mini-war with herself. It couldn't be…No way in hell...

"And what is exactly so disconcerting about the past, Carly?"

Just then the person turned around and it was, it really was…

"Sam."

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'd just like to make a correction here. In this present time, Carly is actually NINETEEN not TWENTY. I don't know why I wrote 20 but it's not right so disregard. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!**

**On with the story!**

_It's the silence that kills me._

_The painfully deafening silence that screams louder than any other noise in the universe. It's the silence that sends out constant reminder that I'm alone without a hope in the world. And it's the silence that scares me. The vociferous serenity is the one true reminder that nothing will be the same. It's that which keeps me awake until 3:47 am. Freddie left a few hours ago, probably off to his own home which will soon enough be my home._

_But not tonight._

_Tonight, lying in my bed with the shouts and screams of silence in the completely darkened room illuminated only by the streetlight outside my window, tonight is the last night I can call this place home._

_The lawyer said that I can move back in when I turn 18 and that my father would continue paying the rent and fees for the apartment until I do. But why would I want to come back? Home wasn't where all the miscellaneous crap, my bed and shelter was…_

_Home was a sanctuary that only the most important of people could enter. Home was where Sam would break into with utter nonchalance without a word of complaint from me. Home was where Freddie would find excuses to enter so that he could bring in various assortments of tech stuff. Home was where Spencer would always be, with a smile on his face, his heart on his sleeve and a care that only they could have for each other._

_And now those things were gone, ripped away leaving nothing but silence._

_The wetness on my cheeks reminds me that I've started crying again. At this point I can't help it anymore so I just let the tears trickle down and hit my pillows._

"_How could you leave me?" I whisper to no one in particular. It was the first sentence I've managed to string together since I left the hospital. I didn't speak at Spencer's deathbed, just held on to him as tightly as I could as his organs failed one by one. I didn't speak at his funeral, just stared at the cold, granite slab where he was buried as people offered me their condolences. I didn't even speak when granddad approached me, asking for forgiveness and offering his apologies in return._

_I didn't even speak as I wrote a note to Sam a week ago, explaining what I was going to do, explaining my plan to give up with life forever and take the easy and selfish way out. I didn't speak as I clutched at the sleeping pills in my hand, watching my reflection in the bathroom mirror to see if she was brave enough to go through with it._

_But she wasn't._

_Needless to say, I threw the pills away and punched the mirror before crying silently for an hour. I waited until Freddie stopped knocking frantically to leave and arrive where I am now._

_Alone…_

_In silence._

_I tighten my eyes, wishing that I didn't throw the pills away. Not to overdose on them, but to just…escape to a better place, even temporarily._

_A better place…_

_With Freddie and Spencer and…_

_A hushed creaking noise breaks my though almost immediately. Part of me thinks it was just an insignificant clamor from somewhere outside but as the creaking and scratching gets louder, I know otherwise. Suddenly, I'm craving the silence that tormented me only moments ago._

_I clutch my blankets and shut my eyes, hoping that it's just a dream. Please…oh please let it be something, anything insignificant. I can't take any more drama I just ca-_

"…_Carly?"_

_My eyes shoot open…It really is…_

"_Sam."_

_I see her silhouette illuminated by the streetlight outside for a split second before she crumbles to the ground. I recklessly pull out of my sheets and jump from the bed, forgetting about everything that happened before and contradicting my hope for this to be a dream._

_She's sitting on the floor, her head is in her hands and I can see her shaking slightly from her quiet sobs. I sit next to her and rest my head on her shoulder to make sure she's actually there._

"_I thought…Your note…I-i"_

_Her voice is shaky and wracked with sobs. I've never seen her cry this hard, not even at her trial hearing…_

"_I didn't go through with it."_

_She looks up at me, her eyes full of tears and sadness before she stands up and pulls me along with her, pulling me towards the bed._

_I get in first and make myself comfortable under the comforter as she slides in with me. Neither of us says anything but we really don't need to_

_The room is silent again but this time with Sam's reassuring breaths on the back of my neck, it's not that scary. We lay like that for a few minutes, both of us too engrossed in our separate thoughts._

"_Carly. I'm…sorry."_

_She breaks the silence, her voice cracking with exhaustion._

"_For what?" I ask, staring at the wall in front of me. Part of my wants to turn around to look at Sam, but that would mean momentarily losing contact with her arms around my waist and her breath on my neck and I realize that I could settle for this._

"_For leaving you, especially now." She sighs. I can feel the regret emulating from her voice but for now, I don't want to be angry or disappointed with her, I just want to __**be **__with her._

_I inhale deeply. I really don't know what to reply so I take solace in the silence._

"_You know that they'll be here by morning, Carly." She says bluntly, my heart breaking as she says it._

"_I know…" I manage to whisper. I had been trying to block it out from my mind, trying to convince myself that she'll be here forever but I know…_

"_Sam?"_

"_Yeah cupcake…"_

_I turn over so her blue eyes are the only thing illuminated in the otherwise completely dark room. We're lying together on my bed so close that our noses are almost touching, exhaling and inhaling coordinated breaths._

"_Tell me that you love me…"_

_I notice the changes in her face in the moments of hushed gazing, like the new scar that now dominated her right cheek and tracked like a teardrop from just below her tired eye to just above her upper lip. And the frown lines at the corner of her mouth that were non-existent due to years of laughter from the torment of others._

_But when she reaches out and traces my cheek, her fingers lightly grazing my lips and she leans impossibly close, to the point where our foreheads appear to be attached together. I stare into her icy blue eyes as she boldly states 'I love you, Carly Shay', that is when I realize that this is Sam..._

_My Sam…_

_She tilts her chin forward and attaches our lips with desperation. There's an apparent need in the kiss and it's only when she pulls back that I speak again._

"_What are you doing?"_

_A smile flickers through her face as though the answer to my question…_

"_Sam."_

It had been almost five minutes since anyone had said anything. If anyone was looking in from an outsider's perspective, they would have thought that the two had engaged in some sort of staring contest.

Words were running through Carly's head at a mile a minute but she didn't know what to say. Sure Sam was her best friend since forever and any normal best friends who haven't seen each other in forever would have engaged in a massive hug.

But then again, they weren't exactly any normal friends.

"I-"

Just as Carly manage to push a syllable from her mouth, Claire loudly entered the room, interrupting the brunette's sentence and almost sending Sam into shock.

"Well! Er…Miss Puckett this is Carly Shay the seller, Carly this is…"

"We've met." Sam answers without tearing her gaze from Carly.

"O…k then. So Miss Puckett, what do you think?" Claire asks awkwardly. A large portion of her wanted to know what the hell was going on between the two that caused the giant elephant to be in the room.

"It's not right for me. But then again, it never was. Right, Carly?" Sam's voice had adopted a bitter tone. Claire just looked between the two nervously, questions plaguing her deeply.

"Sam…"

"I got what I came for. Thanks a heap." Sam disrupted, breaking her gaze from Carly as she grabbed her coat and pushed past Claire to the outside of the room.

A few beats passed in silence as Carly stood shocked, rooted to her spot. Claire was downright puzzled, wondering which question to begin with. She shot Carly quizzical look after quizzical look.

"What the _hell _just happened?" She decided to begin with, her eyes wide with confusion. It took Carly a few more seconds to realize that Sam was leaving…again.

"Sam! Wait!"

And with that Carly completely disregarded Claire's question and ran after Sam, leaving Claire in an abyss of shock and confusion.

--

"Sam, wait!"

Sam could hear Carly's shouts echoing from above the staircase and tried to speed down the stairs faster, praying that Carly would just give up.

"Goddamn it, Sam! We have to talk!"

Between puffing out breaths of exhaustion and concentrating on not falling over, Sam smirked. The only times Carly swears were when she was either super pissed or super horny…

That thought caught on Sam's mind before she lost track of her footing and crashed down the stairs, awkwardly rolling down about a flight before collapsing on the stable floor. Carly paused slightly and peered over the railing of the stairs, noticing that Sam had plummeted to the bottom. She gasped again before rushing down the stairs, taking care in her steps to avoid crashing down like Sam.

"Sam!" Carly exclaimed as she noticed Sam collapsed on the floor, clutching her left knee. She immediately rushed up to her childhood best friend and knelt beside her, checking her eyes for a concussion.

"Ow." Sam managed to utter, wincing slightly before recognizing Carly sitting above her before falling unconscious.

"I missed you too, Sammy." Carly said to an unconscious Sam with a smile.

--

"So…Remind me again why I have to help you lug the unconscious body of the person who didn't buy your old apartment up to your new apartment and into your bedroom?" Claire asked, heaving Sam's unconscious body into Carly and Freddie's apartment. She had a hold of Sam's legs and Carly had her arms.

"Because you," Carly used every iota of strength in her body not to drop Sam, "Are my," Carly pushed open her bedroom door, "Friend!" the brunette hauled Sam onto the bed before taking a moment to catch her breath, as did Claire.

"Great excuse!" Claire muttered sarcastically as she looked down at Sam's unconscious body, "This girl ain't that big but she weights a friggin ton! I think I may have back problems!"

Carly laughed at Claire's over dramatics, "Don't be such a baby. I used to carry her unconscious body around more times than necessary."

"Yeah and speaking of that, are you ever going to explain to me exactly just what _happened_ today?"

Carly sighed. Claire was the most consistent person she knew and she probably wouldn't let this go quite easily. She inhaled deeply, getting ready to explain everything about her and Sam.

"Me and Sam are…"

A muffled buzzing interrupted Carly as Claire put up a finger to indicate 'one minute' and answered, annoyed, "Hello. Oh shi- I mean, hello Mr. Orsian. No, it's not that I didn't manage to sell it it's just…Well, yes but…Ok, I understand sir, I'll be there in a few..."

Claire drew in a breath to answer.

"Another time, then." Carly said before she could, smile on the inside. She had dodged the bullet…for today.

"Definitely. And as a reward to myself for lugging this chick up here, I'm stealing one of your Peppy Cola's on the way out," Claire added, pacing out of the room before adding, "Adios!"

Carly returned her goodbye and laughed again as she took a seat next to Sam. She took a moment to study the face of her ex-best friend.

Sam looked older, more tired. There were dark spots under her eyes, indicating her sleep deprivation. The ugly scar on her cheek was still evident and she just seemed…different. The brunette didn't realize until she reached Sam's lips that she was tracing Sam's face as she thought about it. Only when she reached her lips did Carly stop and pull back as if she had touched a flame.

"Car…ly." Sam muttered, her eyes still closed and her voice raspy and weak.

"Sam, I'm here." Carly breathed.

"Where…?"

"You're in my apartment; I brought you up here after you passed out." Carly answered, hoping Sam wasn't concussed nor had any serious damage inflicted upon her, "Sam. Does anything hurt? Should I take you to the hospital?" Carly asked, the worry clear in her voice as she did. She knew that Sam could barely string a sentence together but she still needed to hear that she was ok.

Sam smiled at Carly's maternal-like panic and shook her head no. As she opened her eyes, she saw Carly sitting above her again, but this time she didn't fall unconscious. Carly placed her hand on Sam's knee gently which elicited a loud hiss of pain from Sam. Carly withdrew her hand, hating herself for not calling a doctor.

"I'm so sorry, Sam. Let me go get some ice or…"

"Carly…" Sam moaned before grabbing Carly's hand "I'm sorry…for leaving…you." She managed to make out through the bolts of pain through her knee.

"Sam, it's ok. You were scared today, you were surprised and…" Carly said through tears, as gently as possible, grasping Sam's hand.

"Not…today. I'm sorry…for leaving…_before_." Sam answered before fainting to the pain again.

Carly sat frozen on the bed, the words _'I'm sorry for leaving before_' buzzing through her mind. She let the tears roll down her cheeks as she remembered Sam leaving. The noise of police sirens, the chatter of officers and whispers of passer-by's, gossiping about the occurrence. They all thought that it was just another dumb accident; they didn't know that when the police whisked Sam off to jail, she went willingly, just to leave, to get away…

And now Carly realized that the past was coming back to haunt her. That all the pain was going to be re-inflicted, that the scars were going to be reopened and that her heart was going to be re-broken and it was all because of Sam…

Her Sam…

**CHAPTER 2**

**A/N: Please, please, please review! Reviews are fuel for shorter update delays so yeah...REVIEW :)**


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